Corporate Clowns Play Hot Potato

Decisions Decisions

We had a major decision to make last week.  This decision was so vitally important that the wrong move could destroy us.  Specifically, we had to decide if we should raise or lower our prices.  The wrong decision could propel us into prosperity or sink us into bankruptcy.

We never made the decision.

Instead we played the Corporate Hot Potato game.

I proposed that we should raise our prices.  So top brass decided that we should have a meeting.  I groaned openly as I knew where this was headed.  We invited finance, sales, purchasing, materials, marketing and the janitor.  We then sat around the table and discussed the merits of raising or lowering prices.  Theories were discussed and everyone babbled non-sense.

In the Corporate Clown world of rules, managers only want to claim responsibility for good decisions.  This requires a lot of revisionist history as senior management doesn't statistically make too many good decisions. They therefore have to claim someone else's decision as their own - after the fact.  They've claimed a lot of mine.

That new product gizmo that we launched last year?  They made that.  That new marketing blitz?  They did that.  Clowns.

Marketing and sales didn't want to raise prices so they basically filibustered.  Babbling more non-sense until the meeting was almost over they knew no decision would be made.I could feel my blood pressure rising and my face turning red.  No one wanted to be marked with a bad decision.  I had to do something! Suddenly,  I could hear myself blurting something out, my heart racing "we need to Lower our prices".  They all looked at me with eyes as wide as little orphan Annie.  I turned the argument 180 degrees and they were confused.  I removed myself as a target.  I was no longer pushing higher prices and I purposely flip flopped.  They didn't know what to do.

They decided to form a committee.  If we weren't on the first floor I would have jumped from the window.

Lunch arrived.  Thankfully it was a buffet.  If they had to decide what to order they would have starved.

Throw me a note when you get a chance.  My job gives me plenty of material for "The Corporate Clown".  I bet yours does too.  sommbeer@gmail.com

If you need some liquid therapy from Corporate Clowns try some beer!  I'm a Beer Sommelier.

http://sommbeer.com/

That New Employee Smell

This never happens - ever.

I could here them coming from 4 cubes down.  It was another manager pulling his "new hire" around the office for the ritualistic "meet and greet".  I hate it.  Here's the scenario; the manager walks around, coffee mug in hand, and introduces their fresh meat to everyone else.  It's tense.  The manager struggles to remember everyone's name while the current employees just sit there trying to size the new guy up.



It happened to me today.

As they approached the cube next door, I could hear the dread in the manager's voice.  He just wanted to get through this.  He couldn't remember names and probably wasn't sure his new recruit was a "keeper".  The new employee sounded like a babe in the woods, all nervous and friendly.  Soon, they finished next door and I was about to have my turn.

Truth be told, the manager's beer gut was first to enter "my space".  Where's the gym buddy?  Goodness what a clown.  No formalities here, he jumped right in "Hi this is -----  (already forgot the name) and he will be working in -------(I don't care)".  He then motioned to me awkwardly.  It was obvious he had forgotten my name, my position who I was not sure. not sure - but I was not going to help him.  Pointing to me he said "This is...um... ahhh...he works here with the ...and he can help you with..".  Nope,silence.  Nothing from me you clown.

Perhaps I should have helped.  It's important however to show no weakness in front of the fresh catch.  You don't know who they really are on their first day.  They seem timid at first, but that's only because they don't know where the bathrooms are.  Heck they don't even know if we have bathrooms.

By their 2nd week they're comfortable enough to start yelling at you.  By their 1st year they're sporting a beer gut, walking around with a coffee mug introducing somebody ......

Throw me a note when you get a chance.  My job gives me plenty of material for "The Corporate Clown".  I bet yours does too.  sommbeer@gmail.com

If you need some liquid therapy from Corporate Clowns try some beer!  I'm a Beer Sommelier.

http://sommbeer.com/