I am most certainly, definitely not looking for a new job

" Yes of course, we are expediting your order" I said at a volume louder than I would normally use when talking on my cell phone at work.  I had to, I was talking to a recruiter and a co-worker walked by.  Talking to these recruiters makes me Crazy paranoid.  It's kinda like the 50's when everybody was worried they would be snitched out for being a commie. Today, we're all worried about getting caught looking for a new job.

Last week I ran out of the building and sat in my car to talk to one of these guys.  There I was sitting in the employee parking lot at 10am with a cell phone to my head.  That doesn't look suspicious does it?



Today I ran to the lobby when a recuiter called.  Sitting in one of those crappy lobby chairs, I used one eye to roam the room as I attempted to conduct my "personalized phone screen".  "So why are you looking for a new job?" he asked as a salesman walked past me.  "What is your target salary?"  I love this one.  Feels like I'm in the doctors office with my pants around my ankles when they ask that.  In the past, I answered both of those questions like a politician.  Now I just blow them out of the water and it seems to work.  "I hate this place and I want a lot of money".  Oddly, no one has made me their prized catch just yet. 



"Now about relocation...." just then my supervisor spots me and walks up to me thinking I'm talking to a customer.  My heart starts racing and I panic.  I stand up phone still attached and my arm starts waving uncontrollably.  I'm not doing this I think, this is adrenaline.  I'm no longer in control of my own limbs.  For goodness sake, now I'm jumping around like a jack rabbit.  This is bad.  This is really bad. I'm going to get fired.

The supervisor sees my animation and wisely determines that I'm talking to a customer.  I'm going to land that prized account he thinks.  He's super smart like that.  He leans in, looks me squarely in the eye and without a word gives me the "thumbs up" and waddles away.  What a clown.

I end my call with the recruiter, stumbling back to my cube.  I'm drained from the experience, sweaty and shaken.  Walking past a co-worker I see her with a cell phone attached to her head.  Her company land line is untouched.  She seems startled that I observed her.  "Yes sir we can get that order out, pronto!" she says loudly.  Goodness I think to myself, everybody around here is talking to customers.


Throw me a note when you get a chance.  My job gives me plenty of material for "The Corporate Clown".  I bet yours does too.  sommbeer@gmail.com

If you need some liquid therapy from Corporate Clowns try some beer!  I'm a Beer Sommelier.

http://sommbeer.com/